Sugar: The Sweetest Poison We All Pretend Isn’t a Problem
I have a love-hate relationship with sugar. On one hand, it’s the reason I survive Mondays and why birthday cake tastes like happiness. On the other hand, it’s also the reason I crash by 3 PM, feel sluggish, and occasionally stare into my fridge like a Victorian child waiting for something magical to appear.
I know sugar is bad. We all do. Yet, somehow, it’s everywhere, in everything, and socially acceptable to consume in concerning amounts. I’ve tried to quit completely, but let’s be real—I’m not strong enough for that kind of life. So, instead, I’m aiming for moderation—because saturation is clearly not working.
Here’s how my never-ending battle with sugar plays out.
Step 1: The Grand Decision – “I’m Cutting Back”
Like all terrible ideas, this one starts with overconfidence.
Maybe I just watched a documentary that told me sugar is poison (which I already knew, but seeing it again really hits differently).
Maybe I read something about how quitting sugar will clear my skin, fix my mood, and make me a superhuman.
Maybe I just woke up feeling gross from eating half a packet of galaxy before bed.
Whatever the reason, I declare: "I am cutting back on sugar. For real this time."
I announce it with the same level of conviction as someone starting a New Year’s resolution—knowing full well that I will inevitably fail but pretending I won’t.
Step 2: The Panic Realisation – Sugar Is in EVERYTHING
At first, I think, "This will be easy. I’ll just stop eating sweets, biscuits, and cakes."
Oh, you sweet summer child.
Two seconds into reading ingredient labels, I discover sugar is in literally everything:
Bread? Sugar.
Pasta sauce? Sugar.
"Healthy" granola bars? More sugar than a Mars bar.
Flavoured yogurt? Might as well eat ice cream.
Low-fat anything? Pure deception.
At this point, I realise that fully quitting sugar would require moving to a farm, growing my own food, and completely rejecting modern society.
And honestly? I don’t have the energy for that.
Step 3: The “Healthy” Sugar Replacements (That Are Lies)
Since quitting cold turkey is clearly impossible, I try to cheat the system.
Honey instead of sugar? Still sugar.
Maple syrup instead of sugar? Fancy sugar.
Dates instead of chocolate? Nature’s attempt at trickery.
Artificial sweeteners? Somehow taste both too sweet and completely fake.
At some point, I realise I’ve just replaced my old sugar addiction with "healthier" sugar addiction and paid double for it.
Step 4: The Sugar Withdrawal Meltdown
For a few days, I feel self-righteous. "I’m doing this," I tell myself, as I sip my sad sugar-free tea and eat my plain porridge.
Then, the withdrawal hits.
My head hurts.
I am annoyed at everyone, for no reason.
I start dreaming of biscuits like a sugar-deprived lunatic.
I snap at someone for breathing too loudly.
This is the moment where one of two things happens:
I cave completely, eat an entire chocolate bar, and pretend this never happened.
I hold out a bit longer but start resenting everyone who eats cake in my presence.
Either way, it’s not going well.
Step 5: The Moderation Compromise – Because Life Without Sugar Is Depressing
At some point, I realise:
I do NOT want to live in a world without cake.
I do NOT want to be the person at dinner refusing dessert while watching everyone else enjoy themselves.
I do NOT want to have a meltdown over a croissant again.
So, instead of quitting sugar entirely, I aim for moderation:
No, I don’t need sugar in my tea.
No, I don’t need to eat an entire share bag of chocolate (alone, in one sitting).
No, I don’t need to act like "if I don’t eat this now, I will never see sugar again."
Instead, I tell myself: "I can have sugar when I actually want it. Just… not every 10 minutes."
Final Thoughts: Sugar Is Not the Enemy, But It Is an Addiction
I have accepted that I will never fully quit sugar, but I also know I can’t keep pretending it’s not messing with my energy, mood, and waistline.
So now? I’m living in the grey area:
Not fully addicted, but not in full withdrawal.
Not eating it every day, but not pretending I can live without it.
Not spiralling into a sugar binge, but not denying myself dessert when I actually want it.
Because balance is key. And also, because I like cake.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have one biscuit. Just one.
(Probably.)
